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Al (Constitutionalism)
This article is about the founder of Constitutionalism. For other uses, see Al (disambiguation). "Ahmed al-Assad" redirects here. For other uses, see Ahmed (disambiguation) or Ahmed al-Assad (disambiguation). Al, aka Ahmed Al-Asputinimadorchemeister (and then a long list of titles), was the founder of Constitutionalism. Alignment: Neutral Evil Early life Al was born as Ahmed al-Assad in the year 32,000,000,036,843 AD, on the planet Earth 936. His birth was witnessed by his mother, Fareshwa; his father, Hamish; his sister, Parvana; his brother, Hiram; Felicity; and six preschoolers. When Ahmed was twelve, he played in a baseball game against Fitzgerald. Fitzgerald made fun of Ahmed because he was Islamic. Ahmed vowed revenge on Fitzgerald and called him, among other things, a "white piggy". The Founding of Constitutionalism Ahmed's first wife was named Belinda, and they had a daughter in the year 32,000,000,036,863. He was a Muslim priest in a local mosque. One day, in the year 32,000,000,036,878, he got angry with the Muslim authorities about the arrangement of dishes for Eid-al-Fin de Ramadan. He got so angry that he translated the Quran into English, which was the only spoken language in the universe at the time. This caused Belinda to divorce him. Soon after he translated the Quran, he founded a new religion, which he called "Constitutionalism". Soon, he fled Earth, taking other people who rebelled against Islam to the desert planet Tatooine. Ahmed and his followers soon formed their own community on Tatooine, and eventually built their own church. He married Azubah, a seventeen-year-old girl, six years after he founded Constitutionalism. He got her pregnant at least once. They were married for four years, and she finally escaped from him via Felicity and a lemon. Azubah, in effect, divorced him because she fled into the year 1,000,000,002,019. When Ahmed was 100, he used a machine called a soul splitter to split his soul into millions of shards of glass. These shards of glass had Ahmed's soul in them, and could talk. Later, they also gained a kind of psychokinetic power. His followers took the shards and put them in the Church of Al's (then called the Church of Ahmed) stained glass window. When future generations built their own churches on other planets, they took pieces of Ahmed and put them in their stained glass windows in the Churches of Al. Later, Ahmed started going by the name "Al". When Constitutionalism had reached across the universe, Al decided to call it "The One True Religion", or just "The Religion" for short. This was after Quertijan died. Al's Name Al's birth name was Ahmed al-Assad. When he founded Constitutionalism, however, he underwent many name changes, including "Ahmed al-Rasputin" and "Ahmed al-Rasputinimadorchester". His final name change, however, saw him capitalize the first "a" in "al-Assad", and replace "Assad" with "Asputinimadorchemeister", and added the long list of titles to his name. To shorten things up, Al would say, "You can call me Al", a phrase which Al claimed as his own. The long list of titles began with "The Holy God of All Things, Living or Nonliving, or Partially Thereof, the Emperour, the Doctour, the Sultan" and ended with "the Maker of Cheese, the Educator of Phosphorous Acid, and the Observer of All". To Felicity, this seemed very self-centered, pompous, and arrogant. Quertijan, the High Priest In the year 32,000,000,567,863, there was a Choosing, or ceremony where Al would pick his High Priest. Banquo recruited Felicity to help him by taking the Shrewsbury Diamond. However, Banquo got second place, and disgraced Felicity. Quertijan was Chosen to be the High Priest. Later, Quertijan and Banquo were walking through the Mountains of Montresor (Quertijan had a shard of Al in his pocket, so Al wasn't technically walking), and they found the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. Banquo said its power was too great, but Al saved it in the Museum of Al's Artifacts. Later, Kelly Greene used the Holy Hand Grenade. When Felicity First Meets Al Felicity first met Al in the year 34,000,000,002,018 (34 trillion 2018), in the Turn-Left dimension. She parked her autobus inside his church (on the planet Earth 945), then went back inside. Al was very mad at her for entering his church without his permission, and after saying his full name (which took about five hours), became so enraged with Felicity that he wanted to kill her. She fled to the Christian planet Mondas-12. While there, she met up with her friend the Immortal, and together, they activated the Osterhagen Key embedded in Earth 945. People who had previously worshiped Al realized how stupid he was. He soon was reduced to having only a few followers. At this time, Al was about two trillion years old. Bob Rocket Felicity went back to 2018, Turn-Right, after defeating Al, and Al arrived a short time later. In May 2018, child celebrity Bob Rocket built a rocket that was capable of going to the Moon. His right-hand man, Ivan, went to fuse Al with the glass in Bob's rocket's windshield. Al gained control of the rocket once Bob Rocket left the Earth. Felicity went up in an autobus to save Bob. She eventually saved Bob and his monkey, Mr. Bananas, but Al had control of the rocket. Felicity soon used the tethers in the autobus to send Al to the Mud Pit. Al's soul left the rocket a second before it descended into Hell, but Ivan, who was in the rocket, was not so lucky. However, a talking hat named Hap took control of an autobus before it crashed, but Ivan was in Hell. Minecraft Vladimir, Al's left-hand man, had been shot by Felicity a while ago. In the year 34,000,000,002,033, in the Turn-Left dimension, Al and Clara, Al's left-hand man's daughter, were spying on Felicity, who was in the jazz band room in 2018, Turn-Right. Milton Dimpelbutt was mentally controlling the jazz band with his glasses. Since Clara liked "the way thought", Al and Clara went back in time and through a dimension to join up with Milton. Soon, the Doctor came and helped Felicity and the hypnotized people. Al stayed behind while Milton took Felicity to 1923. Felicity doesn't see him until she met up with Banquo (who was in his eighties). Al and Clara met up with them all. Banquo remarked that he never used the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, and asked why it was used. Al told Banquo that Kelley Greene used the Holy Hand Grenade, and he recited a lengthy passage from the Book of Al. Banquo interrupted Al to tell him he remembered saying all that, and asked why it was used again. Al killed Old Banquo using his psychokinetic power. Felicity cried out and rushed over to Banquo. Then a younger version of Banquo appeared, who was in his thirties. He swore on Fitzgerald's name, and Al condemned him for swearing on Fitzgerald's name. Al told Banquo why he killed his future self. Felicity ran toward the Cellar with a middle schooler, Connor Seymour, and sent him into Minecraft, for that was his dream. Al, Banquo, and Clara, and Milton followed her into Minecraft. In the process, Al gained a body. They chased her until they lost her. Al, Banquo, Clara, and Milton found a village. Al forced the villagers to bow down to him, but since the villagers could only speak in grunts, Al killed them. Herobrine, who was sent into Minecraft by Mrs. Mancy, was watching from a nearby cliff. Herobrine attacked Al, and then proposed an alliance with Al. Al was going to kill Herobrine, but Banquo, Clara, and Milton suggested that he reconsider. Herobrine wanted to unleash Minecraft monsters into the real world. Al agreed. They soon left and entered the real world. Quertijan picked up Banquo because the Al in 32,000,000,567,851 was waiting for them with his first task. Anyway, Al, Clara, Herobrine, and Milton unleashed the monsters on the real world, until the Doctor stopped them. Al was soon put on trial in 2018 for "faking God". Meeting Felicity in the Year 2429 The judge who was in charge of determining Al's (and Clara's) sentence put Al and Clara on a life sentence. Al haggled with the judge to reduce his sentence to 100 years. The judge agreed. In 2118, Al and Clara were released from prison. Al, having a virtual body, remained unaffected, but Clara had aged noticeably over the hundred years. Al and Clara soon moved to Sweden, where they spread Constitutionalism. In 2141, Clara underwent genetic modification to make her young and (functionally) immortal. By 2169, Al had about 600 followers and had about 5,000 copies of the Book of Al in circulation. During World War 4, Al protected Sweden from the other armies. Al soon was elected the president of Sweden by the people because of his defense in World War 4. Al soon split himself again using the soul splitter, becoming tiny shards of glass again. A few years after that, it was found that the entire country of Sweden was following Constitutionalism. By 2275, the entire region of Scandinavia (including Denmark) was following Constitutionalism. Around the year 2300, Al began waging war against the rest of Europe. Al had conquered Germany, Poland, Lithuania, Estonia, Latvia, and a portion of Russia. Al then renamed his newly conquered land "The Land of Al", and forced everyone in the Land of Al to speak English. The USA declared war on the Land of Al in 2302, asserting that it was their duty to contain Constitutionalism. A possible reason the US declared war on the Land of Al was because some people mistook Constitutionalism for communism, since they sounded very similar. During the war, called "Al's War" by the US and "The War of Al" by the Land of Al, the US sent in their troops in an attempt to obliterate Al. However, Al's troops completely wiped out the American troops. The US kept sending in more troops, and Al's troops kept obliterating them. During this time, people lost faith in their government. They were comparing the War of Al to the Vietnam War, in the sense that the US was fighting a losing battle. The war lasted for 3652 days, or one day less than ten years (including leap years). Since the war lasted almost exactly ten years, it is sometimes referred to as the "Ten Years' War". In 2312, the US revoked their declaration of war, and Al asserted his dominance. In the end, the total amount of US casualties was about one billion. Al soon offered a peace treaty to the US. Al would offer them medical supplies and windows for free. The US accepted this offer. What the US didn't know, however, was that Al had laced the medical supplies and windows with shards of himself. Al now had a way to spy on the US. When Felicity went to the year 2429, some of the windows at her high school were from the Land of Al. Al now knew where she was. Then he came to her house on Christmas Day, 2429, with Clara. After Clara made small talk with Felicity, she and Al argued. Felicity used this distraction to grab a knife from the kitchen and stab Clara to death. Category:People Category:Religious Figures Category:Antagonist Category:Time travelers Category:Al-Assad family members